My contemporaries shamelessly self-promote and provide their own delusional reasons as to why only qualified professional interpreters (themselves) should be hired. How ridiculous is that! They use words such as ethics, standards or worse yet, liability to strong-arm potential clients to use them instead of saving tons of money using Google translate or the extraordinary eight-year-old Latino kid who can do it for free.

Please allow me to enlighten you so that you do not fall into their diabolical snare.  Here are some of the reasons why you should not hire a qualified professional interpreter.

1. 1.     They are too expensive!

They will try to shove training, certifications, education, professionalism, and other such nonsensical words down your throat in order to justify outrageous pricing.

The fact is you can save a boatload of money finding any bilingual person looking for a job. It’s great for the economy, and you can help a desperate person make a little cash. Really, being familiar with life-threatening terminology is overrated.

Better yet, save even more money by doing it yourself with Google translate and the Spanish you learned in seventh grade.

1. 2.     They are way too stiff!

All that stiff professionalism, sticking to formal ethical codes of conduct will drive you to drink. Who do they think they are? Who has the patience for that anyway?

Really, all you need is someone to get your message across; it doesn’t really matter what they say. You don’t need to understand every word, paraphrasing is much faster. Most of the time, people talk way more than they should. Ignorance is bliss; the less you really know, the better.

1. 3.     They are way too wordy!

Always pushing that so-called ethical code, professional interpreters feel like that must repeat everything being said and they claim that they must be “faithful to the message” All that means is that they like to hear themselves talk a lot.

Let me warn you. They will tell you that it is unethical to use a free of charge, convenient, family member. They will try to tell you that family tends to edit what is being said if they judge it inappropriate. Well good for them!  Some people need editing!  They will try to say that a person would not feel comfortable talking about past illicit drug use or sexual activity in front of their children.  Well, how else are they gonna learn about it?

1. 4.     They are fraidy cats!

Hiding behind the so called ethical code, they claim to be “unbiased.” That’s just an excuse to avoid standing up and fighting for what they believe.

We have the internet. In 30 minutes of research, we can find out just as much as the doctor or that overpaid lawyer. Why not stand up and fight for the patient? I’ll tell you why not, the professional interpreter prefers to stay neutral instead of fighting for victory. That’s why bilingual neighbors and family members are so good, they have the courage to stand up and fight ignorance hiding behind a big fancy six or eight year diploma.

Please share your thoughts with me. I would love to add to my list.

( Please note that this article is Sarcasm and not to be taken literally as some have in the past! 🙂 )